While having the following conversation with my sister, I shedded tears.

me says (09:58):
 you know...
 just yesterday...
 I remembered what our room at Blk 4 looked like.
my sis says (09:58):
 why are you recapitulating the past?
my sis says (09:59):
 this wooden centre divider and our double decker bed...
my sis says (10:00):
 where Ah Pa and Ah Mi slept on the mattress on the floor whereas you slept at the lower deck and I on the upper deck..
me says (10:00):
 There is a need to find out where my current values and belief system comes from.
my sis says (10:00):
 but its been shaped
me says (10:00):
 It can be changed.
my sis says (10:01):
 no doubt about it
me says (10:02):
 Would I be looking stupid/crazy if I were to drop a high paying job to a low paying job?
 Why would I need to earn a lot of money?
my sis says (10:02):
 like what?
 just 2 days ago, I read an article in chinese newspapers saying a guy drawing $7k quitted his job to drive taxi
my sis says (10:03):
 honestly, I'm contemplating that too
me says (10:03):
 Thinking about your value system? Changing job?
my sis says (10:03):
 changing job
my sis says (10:04):
 its been on my mind for some time
me says (10:05):
 mine would be more drastic, wouldn't it?
my sis says (10:06):
 like what do u intend to do?
me says (10:06):
 I have no idea what.
 what=yet.
me says (10:09):
 counselling?
my sis says (10:10):
 why not....can try to do so on part-time basis first and if it works out well, then convert to full time
me says (10:10):
 haha, that's no part-time work for counselling.
my sis says (10:10):
 oh
me says (10:12):
 do you ever suspect ah pa of suffering from ...
 some form of mental problems?
me says (10:13):
 like bipolar disorder?
my sis says (10:13):
 depends on what you define mental problems to be
 bipolar disorder = occasional compulsive behaviour beyond self control?
me says (10:14):
 no...
 bipolar disorder is one moment very high mood, as if on top of the world.. and the other moment very low mood...
 these moods often lasts days at a time.
my sis says (10:15):
 no la. he's not like that
me says (10:15):
 That's a relief  
my sis says (10:16):
 you should know too la
me says (10:16):
 Why would I?
 We weren't close.
my sis says (10:17):
 but you and I were there together to experience his mood ma
my sis says (10:18):
 don't you remember those days when he worked till wee hours and came back with the porridge (more like congee) and we eat it for breakfast before going school?
me says (10:18):
 I remember the porridge part...
my sis says (10:19):
 I remember those days when I was in Serangoon Secondary School and he tried as much as he could to pick me up from school in the evening and sent me home after we shifted to Tampines?
me says (10:19):
 hmm, I dunno that.
 I took bus back most of the time, I believe/think.
my sis says (10:20):
 Once when he fetched me from somewhere like Bedok Reservoir and it was raining and I was riding on his bike with him....man! the raindrops hitting my body and it felt so painful! Then I begin to appreciate how tough life was for him and people who had to ride under the elements
my sis says (10:22):
 there is no doubt at all that he loved us but there were also many occasions that he couldn't grab hold of his emotions and trash it out on us like mad...
 Alas! No one is perfect....of course, he could have made it easier for all of us and perhaps for himself too...if only he was more enlightened and had more help
 like counselling  
me says (10:24):
 hmm