It's late/early, and I find that I am unable to sleep again.
We were a family of 4. There were my parents, my elder sister and myself. My father was a taxi driver for nearly his whole life, and my mother had worked in different jobs, but mostly in different type of factories.
It seemed to me that my father suffered from anger issues, and as a result, over the years, the family had to endure his tantrums and temper outbursts. As a child, I do not leave home much, except to go to school, or to the market with my mother. As a teenager, I do not have many hobbies other than reading books, watching movies and using the computer. I can be considered as having led a sheltered life, and as such, there are many situations when I am immobilized, either physically, mentally or emotionally. There are many situations when I do not act in a manner expected of a person with common sense, or feelings.
At a young age, I am quite a calm and peaceful person. However, due to exposure to my father’s tantrums and temper outbursts, I picked up impatience and bad temper from him. All I know is either being impatient, or having a bad temper. After some number of years, in order to suppress my bad temper, I believed that I had learnt to suppress nearly all my feelings and emotions unconsciously. Over time, I became emotionally numb. I do not know what emotional state I am in. To learn how to get in touch with my own feelings and to learn how to display and control them, I have recently started reading a book titled "Little Book of Big Emotions".