1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big *** or a good memory. I don't remember what I chose.2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory..3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings....' 5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.8. Virginity can be cured.9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.11. I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dialer were too small.12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.13. Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life? A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? A: Breasts don't have eyes.17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!
18. Men can easily get a hole-in-one, but they don't really play golf!